My Hockey Equipment

$2,000 dollars of hockey equipment.

stolen

out of the basement of my apartment

this stuff smelled worse than anything you have ever experienced

but it was mine, and it enabled me to play hockey.

gone.

without a trace.

you can't sell smelly hockey equipment at a pawn shop. Due to the fact that it smells.

Why did you steal my equipment?

Why am I so fucking stupid, and didn't get renters insurance.

$2,000 dollars later.

Back to the Coal Mines.

Why couldn't I be into swimming.

No one steals speedos.

God that stuff smelled. Fuck was it expensive.

My friend's apartment burned down last year and I helped move his charred personal belongs out of his place and I still didn't learn.

GO OUT. RIGHT NOW. BUY RENTERS INSURANCE

Make It Happen

So begins the journey to make thinner that area of my stomach that always seems to bulge out in celebration of the many beers that were consumed the year before. Time to diet and exercise for the standard 1-2 month period, before ultimately going back to the old more enjoyable and self destructive ways of living. Cause lets be honest whats the fun of munching on stalks of celery and drinking water when you could be exploring the newest innovations of the frozen pizza industry washed down with a cold miller high life lite. Did you know that they now have bacon cheeseburger pizza? Life is a beautiful thing my friends. Now if we could just make elastic waistbands socially acceptable then the planets would be fully aligned.

I recently subscribed to Yahoo's "Unlimited Music" Program. Definitely more than worth the money. You can listen to just about any album ever released in it's entirety for 60 bucks a year. It also gives you recommendations on what you should be listening to. I just booted it up a minute ago and it informed me that based on the music I listened to in the past, that I would probably like to listen to Wham! And I thought to my self, Wake me up before you go go? George Michael in tight pink shorts? Well yeah that sounds right up my alley.

My girlfriend and I had a "dinner party" with another couple the other weekend. She cooked a fantastic meal and I folded the paper towel napkins and put out the plastic polyurethane wine glasses. It was a real classy affair. Thats how we roll.

Have any of you tried to set up a wireless (WI-FI) network in your apartment/condo/parent's basement? Fuck!&!@. Don't believe the front of the box which says "easy set up" and most definitely don't buy a wireless router from Linksys. So I plug the thing in and follow all of the instructions on the "interactive cd" and predictably it doesn't work. So I call the "support line", AKA some boiler room in India. And the guy I'm talking to is completely incomprehensible right off the bat and I am polite to him, but the guy starts getting all snotty with me, because I keep asking him to repeat things, due to the fact that I have no clue what this dude is trying to say. And you know what this fucker did? He hung up on me... click.

So being the total badass that I am I went back to Best Buy and returned it immediately and bought a more expensive D-Link wireless router which also said "easy set up" and also didn't work. So I called their support line... and guess what?.... India.. sweet. But this dude was a nice Indian. I mean I had no clue what he was saying half the time but after 45 minutes of bullshiting around I finally got the thing going. Thanks dogg, I owe you one.

Happy MLK day everyone! I didn't get a day off of work today or anything which would have been nice but I hope you have alot of dreams that ultimately come to fruition. fruition? Yeah fruition. you know "the realization of something desired or worked for"?. An accomplishment? Shoot for the stars. Make it happen. I'm out.

The 2006 Me

With the New Year upon us and I think its time to present to everyone the new and improved me.

Whereas last year last I was a generally nice person and easy to get along with, the 2006 version of me is a total dick. I guess I just feel like I needed a change. Theres also only so much one person can take, being a positive member of society and all.

So effective January 1st 2006 I have introduced the new version of me.

50% more opinionated
39.5% more loud and boisterous
20% more disagreeable

The 2006 version of me hates everyone and everything. Like for instance kittens and small children.

I will not help old ladies cross the street. I will not recycle soda cans.

I will not help family members complete ill conceived home improvement projects.

I will not smile at any time.

I will take every opportunity to incite argumentative conversation.

I will not listen to anything anyone has to say, because the 2006 version of me already knows everything, and was already aware you were wrong before you started talking.

I refuse to use any sort of rationale or logic to support any of my conclusions.

I will use inappropriate nicknames to label those I scorn.

I will engage in hand to hand combat with anyone who opposes my plans to be a complete and utter asshole.

Fuck you, welcome to 2006