The 2006 Me

With the New Year upon us and I think its time to present to everyone the new and improved me.

Whereas last year last I was a generally nice person and easy to get along with, the 2006 version of me is a total dick. I guess I just feel like I needed a change. Theres also only so much one person can take, being a positive member of society and all.

So effective January 1st 2006 I have introduced the new version of me.

50% more opinionated
39.5% more loud and boisterous
20% more disagreeable

The 2006 version of me hates everyone and everything. Like for instance kittens and small children.

I will not help old ladies cross the street. I will not recycle soda cans.

I will not help family members complete ill conceived home improvement projects.

I will not smile at any time.

I will take every opportunity to incite argumentative conversation.

I will not listen to anything anyone has to say, because the 2006 version of me already knows everything, and was already aware you were wrong before you started talking.

I refuse to use any sort of rationale or logic to support any of my conclusions.

I will use inappropriate nicknames to label those I scorn.

I will engage in hand to hand combat with anyone who opposes my plans to be a complete and utter asshole.

Fuck you, welcome to 2006