The 2006 Me
With the New Year upon us and I think its time to present to everyone the new and improved me.
Whereas last year last I was a generally nice person and easy to get along with, the 2006 version of me is a total dick. I guess I just feel like I needed a change. Theres also only so much one person can take, being a positive member of society and all.
So effective January 1st 2006 I have introduced the new version of me.
50% more opinionated
39.5% more loud and boisterous
20% more disagreeable
The 2006 version of me hates everyone and everything. Like for instance kittens and small children.
I will not help old ladies cross the street. I will not recycle soda cans.
I will not help family members complete ill conceived home improvement projects.
I will not smile at any time.
I will take every opportunity to incite argumentative conversation.
I will not listen to anything anyone has to say, because the 2006 version of me already knows everything, and was already aware you were wrong before you started talking.
I refuse to use any sort of rationale or logic to support any of my conclusions.
I will use inappropriate nicknames to label those I scorn.
I will engage in hand to hand combat with anyone who opposes my plans to be a complete and utter asshole.
Fuck you, welcome to 2006