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You know you are getting old when you realize that there are keys on your keychain and you don't have a clue where they came from or what they're for. And that is exactly what I asked myself the other day, Where the fuck did this key come from? And then I start thinking back to all the things I have ever opened with keys. And christ, I am always opening things with keys. So what is this key? Does it open a treasure chest? Does some dude walk around town putting random keys on people's keychains just to fuck with them? Fuck.

In hindsight washing my hockey equipment at my girlfriend's house probably wasn't a way to bring us closer together.

I just got contacts the other week. I didn't know how great life could be until I got the opportunity to jab myself in the eyes with my index finger everyday.

Theres nothing worse than losing your driver's license and having to get into the bar with your passport.

Rogers Park is kind of what I imagine hell to be like.

I've been told you really haven't lived until you see Dirty Dancing. I just starting living last week. That movie was so intense, the dancing....so dirty.. the passion. the romance, Jennifer Grey sans nosejob. I am forever changed.

I had a "Manwich" for dinner tonight.

I could really use a nice cold bottle of miller high life light right about now.

Everyone needs a little champagne in their lives.