Sunday, April 17, 2005

Office Copiers

There is nothing I hate more in my office than our copier. This big clunky monstrosity never fails to leave me pulling my hair out, yelling obscenities or on my knees praying to the copier gods that I can print out my stack of interesting documents for the big meeting.

When did copiers get so fucking complicated? It seems like it should be soo easy. You put the paper you want to copy on the glass, push how many copies you want, and push start. But its not. Our office has one of these wonderful new age copiers that scans, copies, emails, makes coffee, plays mp3s, heats up last night's leftover meatloaf, recites poetry to you and does your fucking laundry. I can't figure the son of a bitch out to save my life. Am I the only person who has this problem? I am good with computers. If something isn't working right I can usually fix it, but when you get to copiers its a completely different story. You can't go into the source code or reinstall the software, you have to push 5 million buttons in different combinations that don't seem to make any logical sense. And when something is really screwed up you find yourself having to call up the sales rep who usually knows less about copiers than you do and that some higher up in the company decided to buy it from because of her cute smile and noticeably large chest.

So I usually resort to talking to the copier. People will walk into the mail room and find me carrying on a heated conversation with it. I sometimes feel that if I spill my emotions out to the copier and tell it how I really feel that it will print my documents. Unfortunately it never really seems to be listening to me. So soon after I usually end up kicking it multiple times. This also never seems to work, but I have to admit it makes me feel much better. I wish they'd start making copiers that just copy again. No bells and whistles, no bullshit, just basic document duplication. Is that too much to ask?