Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Ice Fishing

This weekend some buddies and I went Ice Fishing up in good ole' northern Wisconsin.

Ice fishing kinda works like this...

1. You buy a shitload of beer

2. You find a frozen lake

3. You drive on it with your car and/or pickup truck with gun rack

4. You find a prime location which meets all the criteria even if you, yourself aren't familiar with said criteria

5. You start drinking

6. You drill numerous holes in the ice with a big fucking corkscrew type instrument called an Auger.

7. You drink more

8. You scratch yourself

9. You stab a small bait fish onto your hook, you tie a line onto the hook.

10. You drink some more.

11. You tie your line to a contraption called a "tip up" and drop your line in the water.

12. Someone later explains to you that a "tip up" is essentially a springloaded flag which pops up in the air as soon as a fish gets hooked, freeing you to drink beer and not actually do anything until you pretty much already caught the fish.

13. You say, "wow that is pretty sweet, can you toss me another beer."

14. At some point your speech gets slurred and you walk kinda awkward and the next thing you know you've fallen head over heels and nearly crack your skull open.

15. Your friend explains to you the concept of ice.

16. A flag pops up after hours of drinking.

17. 5 idiots scramble past piles of beer cans slipping all over the place racing to the fish who has clearly been dominated.

18. You pull a 24 inch Northern Pike out the water.

19. You all agree to exagerate the size to 35 inches for future stories.

20. One of your buddies convinces everyone that every man was responsible for the "triumph" and if anyone asks that we "collectively" caught it.

21. Someone says, "let's celebrate" and 30 minutes later your in some backwoods hole in the wall bar decked out in Green Bay Packers gear drinking happy hour specials.

God Bless Wisconsin.