My Top 10 Records of 2004

Well I'm not gonna lie and say this has been a great year for music, cause to be honest it's been a load of crap. Amidst massive music industry layoffs and more major label consolidations, the whole concept of music as an art form has kind of gone out the window. It's all about getting that mainstream, sugary no substance fluff onto Walmart and Best Buy's respective shelves and move high volumes at a 9.99 loss leader cost and what we get in return really isn't all that great. Anyways, without further ado. Here are my top 10 records of 2005, but what do I know? I work full time in an office and using multiple colors in an excel spreadsheet is about as artistic as I get.

1. Wilco - A Ghost is Born
2. Kanye West - College Dropout
3. The Walkmen - Bows and Arrows
   
4. Green Day - American Idiot
5. Arcade Fire - Funeral
6. Jimmy Eat World - Futures
7. Elliott Smith - From a Basement on the Hill
8. Pedro the Lion - Achilles Heel
   
9. Loretta Lynn - Van Lear Rose
10. Iron and Wine - Our Endless Numbered Days

Facing the Facts

After alot of deep thought and consideration I have finally come to the conclusion that I am a total fucking Yuppie. At the same time I have to say that I am clearly only in the early stages and there may still be hope, but I see a path that I am briskly strolling down and I don't think I'm likely to stop until I have been fully yuppified.

College is a mere memory. A little spec off in the distance. My brain has been completely re-programmed and re-wired almost to the point that I no longer recognize myself anymore and to be honest I'm not totally sure how it happened. It kinda just snuck up on me. What the hell is going on here? This can't be right, can it?

So here I am now. A Young, Upwardly-Mobile, Professional.

fact #1 - I drive a sports utility vehicle

fact #2 - I live in a hip suburb just outside of Chicago with its gentrification in full swing, off a street lined with various watering holes, cocktail lounges, and new real estate developments.

fact #3 - All I want for Christmas are Brooks Brothers non-iron dress shirts and some stain defender, wrinkle free khakis.

fact #4 - I have a Nextel phone with belt clip holster permanently affixed to my hip 5 out of 7 days a week.

fact #5 - I desparetely yearn to own a condo so I can throw swanky cocktail parties with platters of cheese and crockpots full of swedish meatballs while talking with other likeminded yuppies about mortgage payments and what household accessories that we recently purchased at bed bath and beyond.

fact #6 - I have subscriptions to numerous business magazines and trade publications.

fact #7 - I only purchase beer in bottles. no exceptions. 30 packs of Busch Light cans are no longer acceptable for my discerning palette.

fact #8 - In two weeks I will be leaving for a week of skiing in Breckenridge, CO. I own really tacky wool ski sweaters that I plan on wearing. I will probably sit by the fireplace of our lodge drinking imported bottled beer after a long day on the slopes and talk about investments, marketing strategies, and half baked business ideas.

fact #9 - I have framed motivational posters hung in my office, that say things like "Success" and "Teamwork" with inspiring nature landscapes in the background.

fact #10 - I am aggressively saving for my retirement even though I am only 23 years old.

Something New

Ay, I'm back writing something new that isn't merely a few pages pulled out of my book. Boy I gotta tell ya, I loved every minute of my break from this ridiculous fucking blogging habit that I have as of recently acquired.

So I'm in Chicago, and it's gotten fucking cold. Snow, Ice, frosty breath, the whole nine yards, and I don't own an ice scraper. I could have sworn i had one jammed in one of the piles of junk collected in the random corners of my bedroom, but alas there isn't one to be found.

In case you weren't aware an ice scraper is one of the most coveted midwestern commuter tools that exist on the planet. Every morning I wake up, throw on some bland business casual attire along with my leather jacket and head out to my gas gussling, emissions spewing, take no bullshit, red sports utility vehicle, whose windshield is 9 times out of 10 covered in a thick sheet of ice and frost. This is always a fantastic thing to come outside to when you don't own an ice scraper. They cost all of about 5 dollars but I keep forgetting to pick one of the fucking things up. So every morning around the same time, I realize that I can't see out of my windshield and am forced to look for random objects strewn about my car in hopes of scraping a small section of my windshield, just enough so I can possibly see an oncoming car or two and avoid getting into a fiery auto wreck, which would keep me from generating income. Income that is better spent on fur coats and cases of cheap beer instead of emergency room visits and mushy hospital food, cause to be honest I am in no hurry to give my insurance card a trial run. Anyways here is a list of things I have attempted to scrape ice off of my windshield with:

• the jewel case from a Van Morrison c.d.
  
• an empty bottle of Aquafina water
  
• my shoe
• an emptied package of ranch dipping sauce from Wendy's chicken nuggets
  
• a three ring binder full of work related materials
• a tupperware lid
• a keychain
• a hockey stick
• an empty can of pop or "soda" if you're gonna be a dick about it
• pocket change
• a big gulp cup from 7 eleven
• my non-existent fingernails
• the buckle of my belt
• a guitar pick
• a plastic spoon