Facing the Facts

After alot of deep thought and consideration I have finally come to the conclusion that I am a total fucking Yuppie. At the same time I have to say that I am clearly only in the early stages and there may still be hope, but I see a path that I am briskly strolling down and I don't think I'm likely to stop until I have been fully yuppified.

College is a mere memory. A little spec off in the distance. My brain has been completely re-programmed and re-wired almost to the point that I no longer recognize myself anymore and to be honest I'm not totally sure how it happened. It kinda just snuck up on me. What the hell is going on here? This can't be right, can it?

So here I am now. A Young, Upwardly-Mobile, Professional.

fact #1 - I drive a sports utility vehicle

fact #2 - I live in a hip suburb just outside of Chicago with its gentrification in full swing, off a street lined with various watering holes, cocktail lounges, and new real estate developments.

fact #3 - All I want for Christmas are Brooks Brothers non-iron dress shirts and some stain defender, wrinkle free khakis.

fact #4 - I have a Nextel phone with belt clip holster permanently affixed to my hip 5 out of 7 days a week.

fact #5 - I desparetely yearn to own a condo so I can throw swanky cocktail parties with platters of cheese and crockpots full of swedish meatballs while talking with other likeminded yuppies about mortgage payments and what household accessories that we recently purchased at bed bath and beyond.

fact #6 - I have subscriptions to numerous business magazines and trade publications.

fact #7 - I only purchase beer in bottles. no exceptions. 30 packs of Busch Light cans are no longer acceptable for my discerning palette.

fact #8 - In two weeks I will be leaving for a week of skiing in Breckenridge, CO. I own really tacky wool ski sweaters that I plan on wearing. I will probably sit by the fireplace of our lodge drinking imported bottled beer after a long day on the slopes and talk about investments, marketing strategies, and half baked business ideas.

fact #9 - I have framed motivational posters hung in my office, that say things like "Success" and "Teamwork" with inspiring nature landscapes in the background.

fact #10 - I am aggressively saving for my retirement even though I am only 23 years old.