Office Snacks

I used to be in shape. I used to be somewhat athletic. Not in a quarterback of the football team, meathead sort of way, but reasonably fit. Going off to college in Milwaukee, ("The Brew City") didn't help continue that trend, but at least I was walking from my shitty run-down beatup college house to classes I would inevitably sleep through. That provided some sort of exercise and allowed me to do keg stands and beer bongs as well as eating mystery meat gyros and fists full of freedom fries yet still keep my "figure." Wow, did I just say figure? Let's just forget that happened. ok?

Anyways now that I've entered the workforce, I have discovered yet another reason how "the man" is keeping me down.

There's something about sitting behind a desk 40-50 hours a week, that just does wonders to your body. Swiveling back and forth in my office chair just doesn't seem to burn the calories that it should; nor does picking up and putting down the phone, putting random things in manila file folders, or all the vigorous right and left mouse clicking that goes on during the day. Which I gotta tell you is highly unfortunate cause neither does my daily walk from my apartment to my SUV, or from my SUV to the office door. and then theres....

Office Snacks
This is a phenomenon in the work place, that must be stopped. Were you thinking about making Rice Krispie Treats or a Bunt cake for everyone in the office? Well don't, cause not only are you a brown noser but you are making all of us fat. Cupcakes, fruit cakes, upside down cakes, double chocolate happy birthday, yellow sponge with frosting on top, to make you forget you are trapped in this cubicle cake. It all must be put to an end. There is no way to fight the power of office treats. Sitting there on the counter staring at you ever time you wander past the break room to fill up on another cup of watered down decaffienated coffee or on your way to yet another meeting where the same bullshit you heard last week will be regurgitated into something different, yet somehow completely similar.

And yeah I know that some people bring food into work as a genuinely nice gesture, but just stop. Because when you bring something in, then everyone in the office feels obligated to bring something in, and the next thing you know there's sugary frosted crap all over the place. And in ten years when I look at myself in the mirror, I don't want to blame Betty in Accounts Receivable for her wicked peanut butter chocolate brownies. I'd want to sue the Golden Arches for my obesity like any normal person would.