Wednesday, August 25, 2004

Inspiring Olympic Stories

So the Olympics have been going on the last couple weeks and if you haven't heard at least something about it you're probably living in a cave, a secluded cabin and may have some form of un-kept beard. At the same time I'll be the first to openly admit that I really don't give a shit about the Olympics. A bunch of dudes prancing around in tights, people running themselves ragged in circles, jumping really far and or high, swimming laps in various forms. To be honest I really don't care for it. And watching those inspiring stories of the heroic athletes spliced in between the events just makes it all the worse.

Now forgive me if I'm being insensitive, but doesn't it seem like every athlete has some inspiring story about how they defied all odds to make it to the Olympics because their grandmother has lung cancer, breast cancer, (insert body part here) cancer, is missing three toes on her right foot, and her last dying wish is that her granddaughter make it to the "big games" and breaststroke in chlorine filled water in hopes of winning a ribbon with a circular piece of metal on it?

And as they pan from the slow motion camera shot of the granddaughter breaststroking away in slow motion, with that inspirational, powerful music playing in the background to Bob Costas blathering some useless bullshit, you think to yourself, "Wow that is such an inspiring and uplifting story, I wish I could be in that pool stroking breast" or because swimmers aren't usually as hot as say... volleyball players, the more realistic, "I really want to stick my finger down my throat."

Now maybe that is a bit exaggerated or insensitive, or not giving credit to athletes who have worked so hard to compete amongst the greatest athletes in the world and for that I apologize. But I'm really not all that interested in hearing other people's uplifting, inspirational stories.

A few months back my Grandmother died. She was a sweet woman, I loved her to death, and while watching the Olympics, I often wonder what her last dying wish was for me. Did she think to herself, "Boy I hope my Grandson becomes the greatest Excel spreadsheet updater that has ever lived," or I really hope he is listed in the Guinness World Book of Records for most envelopes licked in a business quarter. But who knows what she was thinking. I'd like to think she just wanted me to be happy. But as of now I am not. I too want to be on TV in slow motion with inspirational music playing in the background.