Saturday Night Backwoods Bars

On Saturday we ventured up into the Northwoods to a friend's cottage. Despite the fact that the weather was absolutely miserable and that there were maybe 20 minutes in 3 days when there wasn't a downpour of rain, I actually managed to have a great time. When you're holed up in a cottage in the woods and it's raining theres only one thing you can do, though. drink.

I could just ramble on and tell you a bunch of random crap that you could care less about, but instead I'll just cut to the chase.

Whenever I go up north to Wisconsin, these guys always try their hardest to find the most awesomely horrible watering hole to bring me to, so that I'll get a taste of the "authentic north woods culture."

I thought I'd been to some awful bars in the past but the place these guys found me on Saturday definitely wins the award for the worst bar of all time(or greatest depending on who you ask)

At around Midnight we pulled up to this bar way out in the woods creatively called "The Drawbridge." One look at the dirt parking lot with the hundreds of pickup trucks circling the place, I knew this was going to be a hell of a drinking establishment.

As we walked up to the entrance I soon found out why they called it "The Drawbridge." The owners had put a sheet of wood on the ground in front of the door and attached chains to it. I would tell you that I thought that was really clever, but then I'd be lying.

I walked down the "drawbridge" and the next thing I know, I find myself in one of the most ridiculous places I have ever encountered. The bar is packed with tons of big boned women, roughneck guys you wouldn't want to fuck with and everyone is drinking beer out of what appear to be those 44 ounce big gulp cups from 7 eleven. After twenty minutes of waiting at the bar, I ask the bartender for a G&T, and he says what is that? So I say it's a gin and tonic, can I have one buddy? and he says sure but then comes back with a glass of sprite and tonic water.

After giving the glass to a handful of people, to confirm this fact, I tracked down the bartender again, who then informed me that he didn't actually know what a gin and tonic was. So i sighed and said, well can I just have one of those big gulp cups?